You know the Mom we all dream about, the soccer mom who is there for her kids, cooks, cleans, Shops, works a part-time/ full time job, and still manages to call friends and family back? AND Still have a bit of time left for her dreams of becoming whatever she wanted to be? Yeah that mom only existed because she didn’t have the options we have today. Many of us even enter the role without a proper description of what our duties are. Most of what we end up doing is either what is portrayed on the media or what we experienced in our childhood growing up. And for some of us that meant reliving traumatic childhoods that keep hunting us even in adulthood. Sometimes in conversations with single folks and friends when the idea of having children come up, they space out, or get petrified even imagining a copy of themselves running around. The thought of that responsibly can become overwhelming especially when we have barley scratched the surface of our own self discovery.
HOW DO WE FIND BALANCE? That becomes the next question.
1. Never Grow up.
As kids our default setting is to run around, fearless and less convinced that designer shoes were necessary to existing a people. Yet all of a sudden as adult we are bashed with all these expectations and standard setup by society to create a division between us as people. To see the flaws we have as humans and compare it to those who seem like they are better than us. As kids we crave to be adults but the older get we crave to return to being children. It seems that as we grow up we are gradually exposed to Life from a format that allows us to compete against each other rather than grow. So rather than embracing that childlike nature and playing with our kids we have a certain image of how the perfect mom should be. In reality, there needs to be a balance to feed your inner child.
2. Allow yourself to Change & Just go with the flow.
Do you feel it? The changing of the tidal waves from, college dorms parties and bulk load of friends to changing diapers at 1am with a milk stained shirt. As much as I might have just made the latter scenario seem boring, it just as boring as having to go to class the next morning after partying all night. Stages of your life will come and go, and one phase can’t remain forever. A part of you craves to still belong to the hype of your past without seeing how important the role you currently have is. Raising children might come as a fairytale dream, but it will include real big sacrifices that only empathy can unlock. We exist in a world filled with so much trauma from the mistakes the past generation handed down to us. It our duty to ensure this isn’t passed by Self – healing and making sure we are doing the best we can do, so that it’s good enough for our kids.
3. Don’t chase perfection, chase being PRESENT.
See there’s this dream sold to us long before we become moms that there needs to be a perfect balance of everything. I’m here to tell you that doesn’t exist. What exists however is being able to have a balance of self care and have necessary support when needed, whatever that may look like or you. Your form of parenting should be heavily dictated by you and your spouse and should be in turn dictated by the type of lifestyle you live. For example somedays I take the time out to just be with the kids ad other days I my pursue my passion projects/ work goals. It’s all about not running race but taking time out to really be there. Not just physically present but mentally too.
4. Take your kids with you on the journey.
When I first had kids it was particularly difficult for me to balance everything until I realized they could just be a part of what I’m doing also. Now, I take my daughter out with me to shoots or even when I’m going to Sephora. That makes me happy that she can join in and see what I’m doing and how I’m doing it. It’s really also about doing what works for you and makes you comfortable. If you are a y the book type of parent then do that, if you are ago with the flow parent do that also. Just be clear about how to involve your kids in the activities you do on a day to day basis.
I hope this really helps new and upcoming moms, if you have any other advice or any tips that can help any other moms out there definitely leave a comment down below!
I just finished a book by Laura Prepon (You and I as mothers) and she discusses how different cultures bring their kids along and where our lives don’t stop because we have kids. I appreciate your daughter seeing you and being with you on your Sephora trips and all!